Choose Your Battles

Sitting in the annual strategic planning meeting, the HR Director unexpectedly announced that several of the initiatives I was responsible for would be shifting to her oversight in the coming year. Not only was this the first time I was hearing this, but it was the first time I was hearing about something that specifically impacted my role, with no justification and in front of the entire senior leadership team!?

Throughout the meeting, I grew more frustrated as my thoughts raced; How could the HR Director do this and without any explanation or heads up? Did I do something wrong to warrant this? These initiatives belong with me! As my thoughts grew louder, I was ready to go toe-to-toe with my superior in that meeting; in hindsight, thankfully I didn’t. I remember my colleague (and friend) caught my gaze from across the table, gently smiled and discreetly slid a handwritten note across the table. The note read; “choose your battles wisely.”

While this old adage offered sound advice then (and now), it isn’t so easy to heed all the time. There are plenty of times I have entered a battle when I shouldn’t have. And perhaps times when I should have battled and did not. Why is it so difficult to decide when to charge into battle or when to hold the line?

What I’ve learned from my experience with the HR Director and over the following years and many battles that have followed, is that battles (with neighbors, partners, work peers, and most certainly superiors) are complex. Battles inevitably effect many people and often times have casualties. Battles drain resources. Battles can be personal and are sparked by efforts for justice and fairness. Battles are fought within organizations for power, territory and ownership of processes, projects, or people. Battles for relationships and partnerships. The list goes on…

Whatever the reason, if you’re deciding to go into battle, I suggest reflecting on the following questions in the Pre-Battle Checklist before making any other decisions and taking any further action.

Pre-Battle Checklist:

  • Why…why are you going into battle? Why does the battle need to be fought? Why are you the person that needs to have the battle?
  • What…what are you fighting for? What is the objective? What are the goals? What are the potential risks? What are the rewards?
  • What Else…what is my relationship like with those I am battling? How do I know if I’ve won the battle? What are the impacts of losing the battle? What other information do I need (to know) before proceeding into battle?

I’ve learned that choosing your battles is both an art and a science. The science is working through the proposed set of questions outlined above, which will help you to make a more informed decision about going into battle – whatever battle you’re fighting! The art is then carefully considering each unique context, it’s players and what you know about norms that guide behavior so that you can anticipate the tolerance for battle and plan accordingly.

So, if you complete the Pre-Battle Checklist and you decide to march into battle anyway, consider these Battle Tips…they may help avoid casualties along the way.

Battle Tips:

  • There are no Binary Choices. Most battle begin between two distinct points of view. This is an illusion. There is always a third way.
  • Remain calm, it increases your ability to not be offended or take it personally, which is a key to resolving organizational battles and avoiding potential conflicts.
  • If there are others involved in the battle, make sure it’s clear who can make decisions and commands; you don’t have to command every single decision and action. This will help to avoid decision compression.
  • Instead of violently battling a decision or a territory, focus on setting some ground rules for battle. Label any kind of conflict unhelpful and adhere to the productive rules you have set for healthy conflict.
  • Leave your ego at the door. Learn what makes you tick and ensure tapes and triggers aren’t emotionally and unnecessarily leading you into battle.

Of all the decisions we must make, choosing when to go into battle is perhaps the most difficult. Because of the potential risks (and casualties), this is a decision that can have a huge impact. So, the note I am now sliding across the table to you reads “make sure you’re not acting or reacting based on emotions, you have all the information you need to make a decision to march into battle (or hold the line) and you’re aware of the potential impacts and have planned for casualties that come with the inherent choice to battle. Oh, and choose wisely.”

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